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Tattoo Failures


So if you have access to the net and social pages I’m almost certain you have seen some sort of tattoo failure compilation, which a set of images that portray terrible tattoos, either done badly, just plain absurd moronic images or just a tattoo that’s been put on the wrong place.

Let’s take a dive into the copious logical resources to make sure that your photo with your tattoo doesn’t end up on one of these gut-wrenchingly funny image assortments.

The first piece of advice I’m going to give you in avoiding that social and public embarrassment is to find a GOOD tattoo artist and no; I’m not talking about your mate who just ordered a tattoo machine and decided to do tattoos in his spare time because he is a reasonable artist when he doodles in his exam pad during his lunch break at work.

Sure he is cheap, but then again that’s exactly what the tattoo will be; cheap.

Nor should you walk into a dirty tattoo shop that hasn’t seen the light of day in almost a decade and stenches of alcohol, dirty feet and mouldy food. You might think it seems legit, But I can assure you it isn’t. Any tattoo artist that takes pride in his or her craft will have a clean shop that will resemble their craft and quality.

SO now that we have already eliminated the cliché swine of a tattoo shop in the dicey part of downtown and your mate that thinks if he owns the machine he owns the title, we can take a look and step two of avoiding terrible art.

Take a look at the artist’s portfolio; If they don’t have one then you must be in the shop mentioned above. Take a good look at the work they have produced, look at the quality of the lines and shading.

When looking at a portfolio it should be a dead giveaway whether they are good or not, but if you happen to be partially blind or partially stupid, take a friend along for a second suggestion (make sure it isn’t a friend that wants betray and bellow in your self-pity by fooling you into thinking something is good when it isn’t.)

Alright now you have found a good portfolio that happens to be placed in a good shop, it’s almost safe to assume you have a good artist.

Now get to talk to your artist and listen to them, they should have years of experience and will, as a result, know what would and would not work.

Lastly, don’t bitch and moan about the price. Any artist that’s worth their weight in gold will cost you a bit more than what’s usually in your wallet. It’s just part of life deal with it.

If you find yourself unable to deal then enjoy being the poster boy or girl of epic tattoo failures.



  1. Pete Gunner on July 12, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    Now, the Pequod had sailed from Nantucket at the very beginning of the Season-on-the-Line. No possible endeavor then could enable her commander to make the great passage southwards, double Cape Horn, and then running down sixty degrees of latitude arrive in the equatorial Pacific in time to cruise there.

    • Jake Carpenter on July 12, 2017 at 1:56 pm

      In an apartment of the great temple of Denderah, some fifty years ago, there was discovered upon the granite ceiling a sculptured and painted planisphere, abounding in centaurs, griffins, and dolphins, similar to the grotesque figures on the celestial globe of the moderns. Gliding among them, old Leviathan swam as of yore; was there swimming in that planisphere, centuries before Solomon was cradled.

  2. Hibbert Rogers on July 12, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    And hence not only at substantiated times, upon well known separate feeding-grounds, could Ahab hope to encounter his prey; but in crossing the widest expanses of water between those grounds he could, by his art, so place and time himself on his way, as even then not to be wholly without prospect of a meeting.

  3. Roger White on July 12, 2017 at 1:52 pm

    Champollion deciphered the wrinkled granite hieroglyphics. But there is no Champollion to decipher the Egypt of every man’s and every being’s face. Physiognomy, like every other human science, is but a passing fable. If then, Sir William Jones, who read in thirty languages, could not read the simplest peasant’s face in its own mood.

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